I promised my daughter that I would take her shopping for a bathing suit after school. That same day, a last-minute meeting came up at work for me. My husband was available so I arranged for him to take her.

Problem solved. At least, I thought it was.

Bathing suit was bought; we could check that off of our to-do list. However, when I checked on my daughter later that night, she was crying in her room.

She was crying because I said that I would take her, and I changed our plans. At first, I didn’t understand. Was it because dad is a guy? Then, she said these words…

“You had plans with me; I am not a checkmark on a box. The point wasn’t about getting the bathing suit. The point was going together, and you changed our plans.”

Whoa. Sometimes, we learn the best lessons from our kids. By saying YES to the last minute meeting, I said NO to bathing suit shopping with my daughter.

Life is full of choices. Even when we don’t realize it, we make these choices every day. Sometimes, we get in our own way. Check out last week’s post on that topic HERE.

By saying YES to one thing, you are saying NO to another.

• In order to say YES to an early morning meeting, you are saying NO to an extra hour of sleep.
• You say YES to a long phone call with a friend you may be saying NO to watching a movie with your family.
• By saying yes to all the cake, ice cream, and goodies, you may be saying no to those cute jeans you love.

There are so many good things to say yes to! Here is the crazy thing, they are all good things. Early meetings, long phone calls, and especially cake and ice cream.

“Learn to say ‘NO’ to the good so that you can say ‘YES’ to the best.”

John C. Maxwell

John’s quote reminds me of Martha and Mary from the Bible. They were sisters who opened up their home to Jesus and the disciples.

I don’t know about you, but when I open my home to guests, I have a lot of work to do on the front end. There is cleaning, food prep, vacuuming, and the list goes on & on. I get really stressed out until everything is complete.

I can definitely relate to Martha.

³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:39-42

Martha was too busy, even though she was doing a good thing. Good things distracted her from the best thing.

My boss recently told me, “Denisha, if you are going to survive in ministry, you need to learn how to stop doing some of the things you consider good.”

A light bulb went off in my head. There are SO. MANY. GOOD. THINGS! But we can’t do it all.

Here are 3 warning signs that you may be saying yes to the wrong things.

1. Tasks are becoming more important than people.
2. Your daily to do list is longer at the end of the day than it was at the beginning therefore, you feel defeated.
3. You say YES to someone to please them or to avoid confrontation.

OUCH! Can you relate? Now what?

Let’s look at 5 tools you can put into your tool belt. Pull them out when you catch yourself in ‘YES’ mode.

1. Slow Down

The times I say Yes too much is when my life is going 90 MPH. I am simply playing “Whack a Mole” at work, at home, and in self-care. Don’t be afraid to slow down. Even if that process includes telling a friend that you need to take some time to decide on something new BEFORE you commit to it.

If you find yourself at 90 miles an hour, derail the fast-paced train. Be intentional about disrupting the rush you are in. I have found that walks, or just being in nature help me to breathe and gain a less rushed perspective.

2. Be Honest

You can’t do it all; no matter how hard you try. If you say yes to everything, you will have to bail out of some commitments & you will not be bringing your BEST you to the things that are important to you.

3. Make Realistic Lists

When tasks become more important than people our to-do list is too long. I am the queen of making lists, and when they are not all neatly checked off, I am grumpy.

My husband said to me, “Would you give your entire list to someone on your team to do in one day?”  You would have thought he drove a sharp knife into my gut, I replied, “NO! I wouldn’t ever expect that from someone.” He replied, “Then why do you expect it from yourself?” MIC. DROP.

4. Count the Cost

When we know that by saying YES to one thing we are saying NO to another, we have the ability to count the cost. Ask yourself the question; “If I say YES to this… what am I potentially saying NO to?”

5. Give Yourself Grace

Don’t beat yourself up if you end up committing to something you didn’t want to. Instead, celebrate the fact that you were mindful of it and make a different choice next time.

If we are honest, I think we all wrestle with saying yes too often or saying yes to the wrong things. We can choose differently, that choice starts now. Be mindful of your “YES.”

Let’s pour our time and energy into our best. What you do and who you are matters in this world. We are all in this together, let’s make the most of it!

We have a choice, let’s RECLAIM those choices together! Which of these 5 tools are you going to pull out this week?

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