After living a promiscuous life, wrecking relationships and trying drugs in my 20s, I was as empty as ever. I remember wanting to feel clean and being ashamed of the horrible reputation I had.
I was searching for my value in others. I wanted to feel safe and secure, protected and wanted, but instead I felt empty, dirty, confused, lost and invisible.
By age 21, I was a single mom of two amazing boys. I had a co-worker at the time that kept inviting me to church. She would take me to lunch and she would always have Christian music on. I didn’t even know such clean music existed. After a few months I did go to her church. I accepted the altar call and people were congratulating me, but honestly I really was not sure what I had done.
But that experience planted seeds that started my course to know Jesus Christ and God’s truth.
I wish I could say that I lived a godly life after that but I did not. I know now the enemy did not want to let go of me. I changed jobs and lost contact with that co-worker. I went back to my “old ways”–only worse. I became involved with a woman who introduced me to drugs and “raves”. Most of my family stopped speaking to me and helping with my boys.
I tried for a few months to get out of this relationship but every time I tried she would threaten to kill herself so I would stay. I knew I could not live with her suicide on my conscience. I remember getting on my knees and pleading with God, “If you are real please make her leave me”. No surprise that God answered! Three days later she told me we needed to see other people. That was the release I needed.
I never went back to drugs or being promiscuous.
When this relationship ended I found myself without a place to live. Thankfully, a couple of my relatives let me move in with them. It was at this time that I started on a path to a true, solid and genuine relationship with Jesus Christ. I began to read the Bible and asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I started taking myself and my boys to church regularly. I went to a group Bible study on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I was hungry for the WORD, for the TRUTH, and I absorbed all of God’s promises–not just hearing them but truly believing them.
Shortly after truly giving my life to Jesus Christ and being baptized God sent me a wonderful, godly man. We have been married for 19+ years now and have three children together. I still look to God’s words daily to find truth, worth, direction, and comfort. I am a mother of five, serving and growing in Christ Jesus.
I first met Jesus Christ in my early 20s. Now, being close to 45, I do wish I would have met Him sooner, but I know it happened all in God’s timing. He knew when I would be ready to surrender. I am grateful God has reclaimed me as His by the blood of Jesus Christ!
Where I once searched for my value in others, I now know my true value in Christ.
I must admit that it took several attempts to share my story. I was afraid that if people knew the “me” before Christ that I would not be trusted, liked or accepted. There are parts of my past life that are still too hard to share, but God has given me the courage to tell my reclaimed story.
Christ has taken my shame away!
I want to be a witness to the amazing changes He can make in someone’s life and to give hope to others. Will you trust Him with your life, no matter what you have done or experienced, so that He can take your shame away too?