Addiction made me feel hopeless, sick, empty, lonely, stuck and sliding deeper into despair. I had to admit that I was powerless over alcohol and drugs and that my life had become unmanageable.
I was born in Tucson but spent most of my life in Chicago. My stepdad was a raging alcoholic who would beat my mother when drunk. I grew up in constant fear, living in a home with three unspoken rules: don’t feel, don’t ask, don’t tell. I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol to escape from my fears. I spent a LOT of time, energy, and money on self-destructive behaviors, trying to fill the hole in my soul.
I remember the moment I realized that my struggle was beginning to change. I woke up as a Jane Doe in a hospital in a terrible psychotic experience. It took me a few days to process and I suddenly realized God was trying to get my attention.
I am happy to share that I had my last drink shortly after, on Feb 9th, 2020. I have permanently damaged the nerves in my legs, from the knees down, so neuropathy is a daily reminder of what my life will be like if I ever drink again.
Since February, I have developed an attitude of gratitude. My life has a renewed purpose and my soul, which used to be smothered with alcohol and drugs, now has the sunlight of the Holy Spirit.
If you are struggling with addiction, help is as close as the internet. You don’t have to do this alone, find a sponsor through one of these links. Find AA Near You or Celebrate Recovery. You can also find a Christian mentor through a local church. I encourage you to reach out to God through prayer and trust that He will meet you right where you are.
I now have hope, faith, serenity, trust, and the constant companionship of God and Jesus, whether I’m aware of it or not, and have the desire to help other women find and maintain sobriety! Cheering you on. ~Susan
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