Why what’s beneath the surface changes everything
There’s a moment in almost every conversation about healing where something shifts.
It’s the moment when we stop asking, “What’s wrong with you?”
and begin asking, “What happened to you?”
That shift changes everything.
In a recent conversation on the Living the Reclaimed Life, we leaned into what it really means to understand trauma, not just clinically, but compassionately. Because when we begin to see what’s happening beneath the surface, it changes the way we see ourselves, others, and even God.
Trauma Isn’t Always What You Think
When people hear the word trauma, they often think of extreme situations, disasters, violence, or life-altering events.
But trauma is not defined by the event alone.
It’s defined by the impact.
Two people can walk through the exact same situation and come away with completely different internal experiences. One may move forward with resilience, while the other feels overwhelmed, stuck, or unsafe.
A simple way to understand it is this:
Trauma happens when something is too much, too fast, and overwhelms our ability to cope.
It’s not about comparison.
It’s about capacity.
And when we begin to honor that, we create space for compassion instead of judgment.
Why People Respond in Ways That Don’t Make Sense
Have you ever watched someone react to something small in a way that felt… disproportionate?
Maybe it frustrated you.
Maybe it confused you.
Maybe you thought, “Why are they acting like this?”
Here’s what’s important to understand:
Our brains are wired for protection.
They are constantly scanning for danger based on past experiences. So when something in the present feels similar to something painful in the past, even if it’s not actually dangerous, the brain responds as if it is.
That’s why someone might:
- Overreact
- Shut down
- Get defensive
- Try to control everything
It’s not random.
It’s protective.
And when we understand that, we move from irritation to curiosity.
We All Have Our “Coping Tools”
One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was this truth:
We all cope with pain, we just do it differently.
For one person, it might look like addiction.
For another, it might look like perfectionism.
For someone else, it might be control, avoidance, or emotional shutdown.
Different tools. Same purpose.
We are all trying to survive something.
As Carl Jung is often quoted:
“Every addiction is a misplaced prayer.”
That means behind every behavior is a need, a longing, a place where we are trying to find relief, safety, or control.
And that’s where compassion begins.
How Trauma Impacts Faith
Trauma doesn’t just affect our emotions or relationships; it can deeply impact our relationship with God.
Some people begin to feel:
- Distant from Him
- Unworthy or ashamed
- Like He is angry or disappointed
- Unable to trust Him
Others may isolate or withdraw completely.
And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t just the trauma itself, it’s how people respond to us in it.
Well-meaning words can unintentionally wound:
- “You should be over this by now.”
- “God has a plan.”
- “At least…”
Even when spoken with good intentions, these responses can create distance instead of connection.
Which is why this matters so much…
The Church Has an Opportunity
The Church was never meant to be a place where people have to pretend they’re okay.
It was meant to be a place where people can come as they are.
Wounded.
Searching.
Unsure.
Honest.
But too often, people feel like they need to have it all together before they walk through the doors.
And that’s where trauma-informed care becomes so important.
Because when we understand trauma, we:
- Lead with compassion instead of correction
- Create safety instead of pressure
- Offer presence instead of quick fixes
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simply sit with someone and say:
“You’re not alone.”
Healing Begins in Safe Spaces
Bringing things into the light is where healing begins.
Not perfection.
Not pretending.
Not performing.
But honesty.
A Final Reminder
If you’re in the middle of something right now, something heavy, confusing, or unresolved…
This is not the end of your story.
Even if you can’t see it yet.
Even if you’re still in the middle.
Even if it feels unfinished.
Healing is possible.
And sometimes, the first step is simply understanding that your responses make sense in light of what you’ve been through.
From there, we begin to move forward with compassion, curiosity, and hope.
Because your story is still being written.
And it matters.
Denisha Workizer, Robin Blumenthal and Deborah Murphy
If you would like to hear the whole conversation, listen to episode 159 of Living the Reclaimed Life Podcast, here..
0 Comments