The trauma of being molested when I was a child came out negatively in my life before I understood what was going on. As a young adult, I saw myself as damaged and unlovable. The hurt that I had held onto for 15 or so years provoked me to choose unhealthy ways to numb my pain and forget the deep scars within my heart.
When I was at an all-time low, I cried out to the God of my mother. It had been a long time since I had prayed to Him, and He answered by sending me my knight in shining armor–my future husband. This man of God helped me heal through loving me in a Christ-like way, persevering through the difficulties, premarital and individual counseling, praying for me, and encouraging me. Once I identified as reclaimed, as a child of God, I was able to see myself as God the Father sees me. I am a reflection. I am made in the image of God.
On June 5th, 2017, my third child, our first daughter, was born. When my daughter was born three days after my birthday, I tangibly felt myself being transformed from the old me into the new me. This new life, this beautiful treasure, this perfect gift from above, was my constant reminder of how God intended for life to be: pure, innocent, and free. At this moment, exactly 13 years from when I started dating my husband, and on the same day, he had proposed 11 years earlier, I realized just how relentless God’s pursuit of me was.
I am still dealing with the hurt that I experienced and the hurt that I have caused. I will probably continue to experience the waves of dealing with trauma for some time to come. Yet, my hope is in Jesus. I keep looking up and know that if He could bring me through the most painful of circumstances, He will continue to be with me as I contend with the messiness of life.
As a follower of Christ, I am NOT promised an easy path. I AM promised that no matter what I struggle through, God will be with me. My prayer in sharing my story is that you will find God’s love in whatever struggle you are going through, my friend. Know that He sees you and loves you just as relentlessly! ~Elizabeth