There is a word that makes me wince whenever I say or hear it. Not that it is a ‘bad’ word, but it is a word that seems to hold some baggage for me and many others. Maybe you are one of those people. What is that word, you ask? 

That word is boundaries.

I learned the ‘boundaries lesson’ the hard way several years ago.  I was active in our church, participating in and leading several ministries. Add to that being a wife, mom, mother-in-law, daughter, and grandmother. Life was full, busy, and good. Then, my adult son was diagnosed with cancer. Oddly, I keep up the same pace for a while. But one day, while I was getting ready for the day, I struggled to breathe. My chest was hurting, and I was sick to my stomach. I thought I could be having a heart attack. At urgent care, the sweetest nurse practitioner came in after all the bloodwork and x-rays and said, “Tell me what’s going on in your life.” I proceeded to spill all the words in between sobs. I wasn’t having a heart attack. I was having a severe panic attack and suffering physical and emotional exhaustion. I suffered because I filled every second with a ‘yes’ instead of a ‘no.’ 

It was a tough lesson, and one I still have to remind myself of when I am tempted to say yes. I want to encourage you to take a deep breath and read on with ‘cautious courage’, if you will. Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re essential. They aren’t optional. They are mandatory. 

Boundaries are invisible fences that create a safe space for us to flourish in our faith, relationships, and creativity. 

Many of us get caught up in thinking we must be available for everything and everyone. Somewhere along the line, we start believing that rest and self-care are signs of weakness. But that’s not what the Bible teaches. 

Self-care is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you value yourself and understand your importance in God’s plan.

The Bible is filled with reminders of God’s desire for us to find rest and renewal. Exodus 20:11 tells us, “For the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and everything in them in six days; then he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and declared it holy” (CSB). 

God himself modeled the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing rest.   

Jesus, our ultimate example, also established boundaries for His well-being. Mark 6:31 tells us, “He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a remote place and rest for a while.” Even Jesus, during his ministry, knew the importance of stepping away from the crowds and creating space for quiet reflection and renewal.

Here are seven practical ways to establish good boundaries and create healthy spiritual rhythms (or disciplines):

1. Know Your Limits. This may seem obvious, but it’s the foundation. Be honest with yourself about your capacity. How much time, energy, and emotional bandwidth do you truly have? Be realistic about what you can commit to without burning out.

2. Identify Your Priorities. What matters most to you in your faith walk? Is it spending time in prayer, serving others, studying the Bible, or having a healthy family life? Once you know what’s essential, you can use that to guide your decisions about commitments. Remember, fear of missing out (FOMO) is not a priority!

3. The Power of No. This is the big one! Learn to say no gracefully and with confidence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, though a simple “I appreciate you asking, but I’m unable to take this on right now” works wonders.

4. Communication is Key. Talk to your family, friends, and church leadership about your boundaries. Explain your need for time and space without feeling obligated to justify yourself. Remember, boundaries aren’t an attack on others but a way to nurture your well-being.

5. Schedule Your “Yeses.” Block out dedicated time in your calendar for commitments. This helps prevent overscheduling and ensures you approach your responsibilities with focused energy.

6. Delegate & Share the Load. Don’t feel like you have to do it all. Ask for help, delegate tasks, and create a culture of shared responsibility in your family, church, and community.

7. Create Sacred Space. Schedule time for rest, prayer, reflection, and activities that replenish your soul. This is non-negotiable! Sabbath isn’t always possible on a Sunday for those of us in vocational ministry, but you can choose from six other days of the week. Set this time up and guard it fiercely.

Bonus:

8. Noise Rest. Silence is so restoring to the mind. Set aside time in the morning and evening when you can enjoy complete quiet. Listen to yourself breathe. Don’t do; simply be.

9. Boundaries for Technology. Set boundaries around social media, email, and phone calls. Be disciplined and set up do-not-disturb parameters on your phone—you won’t regret it!

I believe setting boundaries is a lifelong cultivating process that changes with each season of life. I’m cheering you on as you establish healthy boundaries so you can be fully utilized for the Kingdom of God here on earth!

Learning To Set Healthy Boundaries Together,

Stacy MacLaren

Stacy is a frequent guest writer for Reclaimed Story and describes herself as a simple girl trying to glorify her God and walk through this life, living well and loving others. She is an Adult Ministries and Communication Associate at New Life Bible Fellowship in Tucson, AZ, and is also the creator, writer, and speaker at The Creative Table.