What I am about to share with you is a piece of my story. This is not intended to begin a debate. This is me, simply inviting you into a moment in my life.

January of this year my husband and I were staying in a hotel and enjoying the hot tub. We were in deep conversation as we brainstormed how to solve the world’s problems. I like to dream big and he is kind enough to entertain my crazy ideas. 

One of the things we were tackling was the recent change in New York’s law with the passing of the Reproductive Health Act. This act allows abortion at any point in pregnancy up to birth. The new act was signed into law on January 22^nd, 2019, which is the 46^th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

As we were discussing this and contemplating all of the consequences this law could lead to, the thought popped in my head, “Ask your dad if your mom ever considered having an abortion with you.”

What? Why? Weird… (all thoughts in my head)

That thought led to me asking, “What about the women who have had abortions? Who is ministering to them? Who is helping them find restoration and healing in Christ?”

I ask a lot of questions when I am trying to solve the worlds problems.

Once again, the thought popped in my head, “Ask your dad if your mom ever considered having an abortion with you.”

This time, I shared my random thought with my husband, “I wonder if my mom ever considered an abortion with me?

You see, my mom was 34 when she had me, and she wasn’t married. She had an almost 18-year-old at home, and she was huge in the business world. I couldn’t shake this thought.

We were drying off and ready to leave the pool. As I approached the gate to leave and toss my towel in the basket at the exit, I felt a prompting so strong that it caused me to stop. My heart told me, “Don’t walk through the gate without texting your dad.” 

I stopped and told my husband I would be up in a few minutes. I sat down and composed a message to my dad. I didn’t know how to ask, I didn’t want to bring up anything that would hurt him, and I thought the question would blindside him.

This was my exact text…

“Hey there! I have a random weird question to ask you. Did mom ever consider having an abortion with me? It will not upset me either way, I was just wondering given where she was in life if she considered it. I have such a passion against this New York law.” 

As soon as I sent it I instantly felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I trusted God and acted on the prompting that I was beginning to be sure was from him. I went up to our room and got ready to leave. We went shopping, laughed a lot and enjoyed each other’s company.

Three hours later, we were on our way back home and had stopped at Culver’s, because even for a short road trip, ice cream is mandatory in my world. We were standing by a booth and I felt my phone buzz with a text. What I was about to read completely shocked me.

In his text back to me…

I found out she didn’t just consider having an abortion, she had one.

I couldn’t breathe.

After several texts back & forth with my dad, I felt numb. I sat down and said, “I didn’t think he was going to say that.”

I learned that my mom found out she was pregnant in October of 1975. In November, she took pills that were supposed to stop the baby from growing and then expel the baby from her body. They did not work, in December, she found out she was still pregnant. To finish what she started, she proceeded to have a full D&C abortion procedure in December of that year. In February of 1976, she learned that she was still pregnant with me and was too far along to attempt another abortion. I was born full-term in July.

I am an abortion survivor.

This new information needed to settle in my heart for a little while. Through Google, I found an entire community of survivors just like me. I began to learn their stories. That was healing, comforting, and such a support to me.

I was still shocked, confused and had a lot of questions. I took these thoughts and feelings to my counselor. Yes, Pastors go to counseling, it is one of the best things we can do for ourselves, and those we serve.

We processed quite a bit and in time and prayer, I was able to forgive my mom. Not just say I forgave her, but deep in my heart, really forgive her.

At first, I wondered, “Why did God reveal this to me”. “Did I really need to know this in my 40’s?”

I am 1 of 165,550

In 1975 in the state of California there were 165,550 legal abortions performed*. I was one of those, but I survived.

In January, I found out this part of my story while in the midst of launching Reclaimed Story.

I knew that part of the dream God had given me was to empower people to discover restoration in all areas of their lives through Christ. In a nutshell, to help people Reclaim their story.

Little did I know, that one of those areas we would help Reclaim would be for women who have had an abortion, just like my mom. 

First, I had to Reclaim this part of my story.

Through this reveal, God extended a heart of compassion in me for my mom. As a result, I spent several nights in tears, wondering about all that my mom must have gone through during that time in her life. My mom passed away in 2001. I never had a chance to forgive her face to face.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

John 10:10

Jesus came so that you would have an abundant life, is there something that keeps you from realizing that truth. Whatever it is that is a part of your story, there is healing, forgiveness, and wholeness through the love of Christ.

An abundant life is not based on your work, it is based on His work on the cross. 

That is good news! No matter what the hurt has been in your past, Jesus can Reclaim your story.

If you or someone you love has experienced an abortion, we would love to help by providing a resource for healing, through the love of Christ. Please check out, Surrendering the Secret. https://surrenderingthesecret.com

If you would like prayer, please reach out to us at connect@reclaimedstory.com.

I had the opportunity to share a part of my story as a survivor, on Life On Purpose. To watch that episode or share it with someone, click here.

Read More Articles From Reclaimed Story

* Sullivan, Ellen, et al. “Legal Abortion in the United States, 1975-1976.” Family Planning Perspectives, vol. 9, no. 3, 1977, pp. 116–129. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/2134520.